3 Ways to Say "I don't know"

Why is Saying “I don’t know” So Difficult?

Saying "I don't know" can be deeply unsettling because it challenges our need for control and certainty. At its core, it exposes us to vulnerability, forcing us to confront the reality that we’re navigating without a clear guide. Rather than facing this discomfort, many of us use roles, authority, or external validations to defend against the uncertainty. We might lean on job titles to assert expertise, make rigid decisions to avoid ambiguity, or seek constant reassurance from others to feel secure. These defenses offer a false sense of certainty, masking the anxiety that comes with navigating life's uncharted, messy processes that can’t always be neatly resolved.

Hiding behind certainty isn’t the solution. Embracing the discomfort of not knowing is necessary for facing the complexity of life and accepting that not everything has a clear answer.

Why is it Okay to Say “I don’t know”

Admitting you don’t know something is important because it’s a reminder that as humans, none of us have all the answers—no matter our titles, credentials, or experiences. No matter how experienced, credentialed, or knowledgeable we are, none of us can know everything. And that’s okay. We’re all in a constant state of becoming, learning, and adapting.

In my own practice, I often explore this theme when guiding clients through transitions or challenges. Admitting we don’t have all the answers creates space for curiosity and growth, allowing us to approach life’s uncertainties. In therapy, we talk about the importance of acknowledging that life doesn’t come with a clear roadmap. Just like in life transitions, relationships, or even facing existential challenges like illness or grief, admitting uncertainty allows us to embrace the process rather than cling to control.

When we approach life with a willingness to be curious we create opportunities to explore new perspectives and deepen our understanding of ourselves and others.

3 Other Ways to Say “I don’t know.”

Here are three ways to admit you don’t know without actually saying “I don’t know.”

1. “I’m exploring that right now.”

   This phrase shifts the focus from uncertainty to active engagement. Whether at work or in relationships, it tells others that you’re in the process of discovering answers, inviting them to join you in the exploration.

   
   

2. “That’s something I’m still figuring out.”

   Acknowledging that you’re learning as you go creates space for growth. In both personal and professional settings, this approach is a reminder that not having all the answers is part of the process, reinforcing that you’re committed to understanding and evolving.

   
   

3. “I’m not sure, but I’m curious to learn more.”

   Curiosity is a powerful tool. When you admit uncertainty with a desire to learn, it transforms not knowing into an exciting opportunity. This phrase encourages collaboration and invites others to share their perspectives, fostering a richer dialogue.

In life, admitting that we don’t know something is a reminder that we are human and continuously becoming. So, embrace not knowing with openness and see where it leads.

If you are interested in learning about therapy or would like to setup an appointment with Person to Person Psychotherapy, serving New Jersey & New York residents, call 908-224-0007.