4 Signs Existential Guilt is at the Root of Your Anxiety

Existential Guilt. Why You Feel Off, Even When Life is Fine

Sometimes we feel sad, anxious, or stuck—even when everything seems fine. Maybe you’ve got

a steady job, supportive friends, or a comfortable routine. But something still feels off. You

might find yourself wondering, “Why am I not happier?” or “Why does life feel so flat?”

These feelings can be confusing, especially when there’s no clear reason for them. But often,

they point to something deeper: a kind of anxiety that isn’t caused by stress or trauma, but by

existence itself.

What Is Existential Guilt?

Existential guilt is the uneasy feeling that life is slipping by, or that we’re not really living the

way we want to. It’s tied to the big-picture questions we all face at some point: Who am I?

What’s the point of all this? Am I living a meaningful life?

We might not consciously think about death, freedom, or the meaning of life every day—but life

has a way of reminding us:

• Getting sick reminds us we’re not invincible.

• Being alone shows how much we need others.

• When plans fall apart, we realize we can’t control everything.

• Doubting our beliefs makes us question what really matters.

  
  

These moments can spark discomfort, even if we can’t quite name why. They make us aware of

our limits and responsibilities—and that can be scary.

Two Ways to Respond to Freedom in Life

When we realize that we are free to make our own choices—and responsible for those

choices—it can bring up a deep kind of anxiety. This is the anxiety of the awareness that our life

is up to us. When this shows up, we usually respond in one of two ways:

1. Embrace your freedom

Choosing to face this anxiety can lead to growth. It might feel uncomfortable, but it also opens

the door to energy, creativity, and a deeper connection to life. By owning our choices, we start

living more intentionally. This path is known as authenticity—not just “being yourself,” but

actively shaping your life based on what really matters to you. You are the author of your life.

2. Avoid your freedom

The other response is to deny or avoid the weight of freedom. We might distract ourselves, blame

others, or try to follow someone else’s script for our life. This may feel safer in the short term,

but over time, it creates a gap between how we’re living and how we want to live. That gap is

where existential guilt begins to grow.

What does existential guilt sound like?

Existential guilt happens when we sense that we're not living up to our full potential. It's

different from feeling guilty about doing something wrong—instead, it sounds more like...

• “I know I could be doing more with my life.”

• “I’ve been playing it safe, even when I want more.”

• “I keep waiting, even though I’m not happy.”

  
  

This kind of guilt builds when we avoid making meaningful choices or ignore what truly matters

to us. Maybe we stay in a job we’ve outgrown. Maybe we hold back from love, creativity, or

change because we’re scared. To cope, we might blame others, wait for someone else to decide

for us, or pretend everything’s okay—when deep down, it’s not.

4 Signs Existential Guilt Is at the Root of Your Anxiety

Therapists trained in existential therapy look for subtle signs that someone might be avoiding

responsibility or denying their freedom. Here are four common clues...

1. Switching from “I” to “you” or “they.”

Instead of saying “I feel lost,” someone might say, “You just feel stuck sometimes,” or “They

don’t understand.” This can be a way to avoid owning personal feelings.

2. Talking only about the past or future.

If someone focuses only on what’s already happened or what might happen, they may be

avoiding the discomfort of the present moment.

3. Waiting for others to act.

A person might delay important decisions, hoping someone else will make the choice for

them—often out of fear of taking full responsibility.

4. Treating the therapist as the expert.

Instead of exploring their own values and desires, a person may defer to the therapist, as if

looking for the “right” answer instead of their own answer.

Interestingly, existential therapists also reflect on whether they themselves fall into these

traps—because everyone faces these questions, including the therapist.

What Therapy Can Do For Anxiety Related to Existential Guilt

Therapy creates a space to face the deeper questions behind your anxiety. It’s a place where you

can slow down and ask:

• What does freedom mean for me?

• What really matters in my life?

• What have I been avoiding—and what would it mean to finally step into it?

You don’t have to have all the answers. But by exploring these questions, you start to take

ownership of your life. Existential guilt may be uncomfortable to name and face, but it’s also a

signal. It points to the gap between the life you’re living and the life you want to live. Therapy

can help you close that gap—one choice at a time.

Looking for an experienced Therapist?

Amanda Frudakis-Ruckel, LCSW, TCTSY-F is a psychotherapist and the founder of Person-to-

Person Psychotherapy and Counseling, based in Long Valley, New Jersey. If you are interested in

learning about therapy or would like to setup an appointment with Person to Person

Psychotherapy and Counseling New Jersey & New York Services, call 908-224-0007 or

email Amanda Frudakis-Ruckel, LCSW, TCTSY-F at info@person2persontherapy.com