5 Ways to Check Your Ego and Stay Grounded
- Person to Person
- 2 days ago
- 7 min read
What is the Ego?
The ego is the story you tell yourself about who you are. It’s made up of the roles you play, the labels you’ve been given, the beliefs you hold, and the ways you protect yourself. It’s that voice in your head that says, ‘This is me." Without an ego, you wouldn’t be able to get through daily life, it’s part of being human.
The ego’s main job is to keep you safe. It tries to help you avoid pain, win approval, and feel like you have control in a world that can be unpredictable at times. The ego becomes a problem when you believe that story is the whole truth of who you are. If you hold onto it too tightly, you may only notice choices that protect your image or status, instead of seeing the bigger picture and choosing what feels meaningful. Life can start to feel empty or stuck. This is why it is important to learn when your ego is at play and how to keep it in check.
Why keeping Your Ego in Check is a Lifelong Process
Knowing when your ego is in charge doesn’t mean you’ll never listen to it. It just means you’ll have more freedom and see more options. You can act from your deeper values rather than reacting out of fear or the urge to protect your image.
Being aware of your ego isn’t something you do just once and then you’re done. It’s something you keep practicing and building on throughout your life. No one is completely free from their ego, it can show up for anyone. Sometimes it shows up when you get praise or recognition and start to believe your worth depends on how well you perform. Other times it happens when you compare yourself to someone else and feel like you’re not enough. It can also sneak in as shame, self-doubt, or perfectionism.
3 Signs Your Ego is Keeping You Stuck
Inflation
At times, individuals may overly connect their self-worth to their abilities, believing that these skills elevate them above others or define their identity. This mindset can lead to a relentless pursuit of achievements, as they seek validation to feel sufficient. Over time, this can result in feelings of anxiety, stress, and eventual burnout.
Instead, it is beneficial to appreciate your skills without allowing them to encompass your entire identity. You possess abilities, but you are not solely defined by them. You produce quality work, but your worth is not limited to your professional contributions. This perspective helps maintain a stable sense of self, regardless of external circumstances.
Deflation
Deflation refers to the ego's tendency to withdraw inward, contrasting sharply with the concept of inflation. Instead of experiencing a sense of superiority or inflated self-worth, the ego diminishes, often accompanied by feelings of shame, insecurity, or the perception of being inferior to others.
This phenomenon remains rooted in the ego, as the focus continues to revolve around oneself; however, the narrative shifts to one of inadequacy. Deflation frequently occurs when individuals evaluate their self-worth by comparing themselves to others or adhering to societal expectations of how they believe they should be. This leads to a perception of failing to meet an ideal image—whether self-constructed or imposed by external influences. The ego, perceiving this image as the complete representation of one’s identity, interprets any discrepancy between reality and this ideal as validation of inadequacy.
Recognizing deflation can be challenging, as it may masquerade as honesty or humility. In reality, it is merely the ego adopting a different guise. This state can inhibit one from voicing opinions, exploring new opportunities, or acknowledging personal strengths. The risk here is that one's life trajectory becomes dictated by another's journey rather than one's own. This shift can lead to decision-making that is not aligned with authentic values or personal meaning, resulting in a pursuit of an ideal that does not genuinely belong to oneself.
When you find yourself ensnared in comparison, it serves as an opportunity for introspection. Consider asking yourself: Am I pursuing what truly matters to me, or am I attempting to validate my worth through someone else's criteria for success? This inquiry can help redirect you toward the authenticity of your own journey.
Strong Opinions and Judgements of Others
When confronted with another person's unchecked ego, perhaps manifested through boasting, dismissiveness, or a desire for dominance, it is common for our own ego to react defensively. This reaction may occur because their behavior resonates with unresolved aspects within ourselves, potentially highlighting a shadow quality we have yet to fully acknowledge.
These moments invite reflection rather than judgment. You might contemplate, What feelings are being stirred within me? Is it pride, insecurity, a need to be correct, or a fear of insignificance? Although these reflections can be uncomfortable, they are invaluable. They provide a mirror, revealing areas where we might still be entangled in the need to defend our image, safeguard our status, or validate our worth.
5 Ways to Check Your Ego and Stay Grounded
1. Practice Gratitude as Perspective
Take a moment to reflect on the fact that your skills, talents, and opportunities are not solely a product of your own efforts. They are interconnected with a larger context that includes your life circumstances, the people who surround you, and the world at large. Recognizing this can help your sense of self, or ego, understand that it is just one part of a much bigger picture, rather than the center of everything.
Feeling grateful in this way fosters a deeper connection to the world and to others. It serves as a reminder that your life holds meaning that extends beyond superficial aspects such as appearance or performance. This perspective can enhance your relationships and overall well-being, allowing you to appreciate the richness of your experiences and the support you receive from those around you.
2. Understand Control and Embrace Uncertainty
Imagine you’re a gardener tending to a beautiful garden. You have a vision of how you want each flower to bloom and when it should happen. Your ego is like that gardener, wanting everything to grow in a specific way and at a specific time. But sometimes, the weather changes unexpectedly. Maybe it rains too much, or there’s a sudden frost. If you only focus on your strict ideas of how things should be, you might miss the chance to appreciate the unique beauty that comes from those unexpected changes.
In life, growth often happens when things don’t go as planned. When you hold on too tightly to your idea of how life should unfold, it can feel like trying to force a flower to bloom before it’s ready. Instead, if you can let go of that need for control, you create space for new possibilities. You start to make choices based on what truly matters to you, rather than out of fear or the desire to look a certain way.
Learning to accept life’s uncertainty is like allowing your garden to grow in its own way. You might find that some plants thrive in ways you never expected, bringing new colors and shapes to your garden. This is about nurturing your values and what’s meaningful to you, rather than being driven by fear or the need to protect your image.
Observe Your Triggers as Mirrors
When someone does something that makes you feel really strong emotions, like anger or sadness, think of it as a chance to learn more about yourself. Ask yourself questions like, "What part of me is feeling this way? Is it jealousy, fear, or maybe feeling defensive?"
These moments act like mirrors. They help you think about your feelings instead of just judging them. You have the power to choose how to react, rather than letting your emotions take over without thinking.
Celebrate Others Without Comparison
I encourage you to take a moment to notice and truly appreciate the achievements of others. It's important not to compare their success to your own. Doing this can help lessen feelings of envy. It reminds you that your life journey is unique and that life is not just a competition.
When you recognize and celebrate the growth of others, it allows you to act in a way that reflects who you really are. Instead of letting fear, feelings of not having enough, or the need to prove yourself control your actions, you can respond from a place of authenticity and confidence.
Developing an Ongoing Relationship with Ego
As you go through your daily life, you’ll start to notice when your ego is taking the lead. It might show up as tension, defensiveness, irritation, or a sudden need for approval. When you feel these signs, pause for a moment and check in with yourself. Ask questions like:
· “What am I trying to prove right now?”
· “Am I acting from my values, or just trying to protect my image?”
· “Is this fear or insecurity driving me, or is this coming from who I truly want to be?”
The goal isn’t to get rid of the ego, it’s part of you and it serves a purpose. Instead, the goal is to be in relationship with it. Notice what it’s afraid of, what it wants, and how it pushes you. The more you understand it, the more freedom you have to make choices consciously.
Over time, this practice builds a kind of inner guidance. You start to feel when a choice is coming from fear or ego, and when it comes from your authentic self. You will begin to recognize the parts of yourself you usually hide or deny. When you notice these parts, you can integrate them instead of letting them control your reactions. This awareness helps you live with intention, connecting your actions to what really matters to you and to a sense of meaning that goes beyond defending your image or chasing approval.
Looking For a Therapist with Experience?
Amanda Frudakis-Ruckel, LCSW, TCTSY-F is a psychotherapist and the founder of Person-to-
Person Psychotherapy and Counseling, based in Long Valley, New Jersey. If you are interested in
learning about therapy or would like to setup an appointment with Person to Person
Psychotherapy and Counseling New Jersey & New York Services, call 908-224-0007 or
email Amanda Frudakis-Ruckel, LCSW, TCTSY-F at info@person2persontherapy.com